This is the story of how James decided to come into the world. Little did I know, it was not what I pictured in my mind.
The day before...
Tuesday the 8th of January at 10:20am I walked to my Midwife appointment. I wasn't able to make it to my 36 week appointment because I was in Worcester celebrating Christmas with Matt's family. I had gained 10lbs that holiday week... and I was retaining water everywhere! The last time I went to the Midwife at 34 weeks she diagnosed the baby as breeched (which made my heart stop). So I had been doing lots of yoga to encourage him to flip around. Well, anyway, as I sat down with my Midwife I was praying for everything to be fine. I laid down and she felt for the baby. There was silence for a bit and then she said she wasn't sure what to say. She wanted to say breeched but she wasn't sure. She booked me an appointment to go to the hospital tomorrow to have a scan to diagnose the position of the baby. I was sure that he was in the right place but sad that I couldn't find out until tomorrow. I let Matt know and made my way home excited to see the baby in the scan and also that my next Midwife appointment would be at the birth! I spent the day just at home reading and napping as I did most days through the pregnancy. When Matt got home from work we headed off to go teach Institute. It was such a joy to be back at Institute after the holidays. Matt and I returned from teaching Institute late as always. We just taught the first lesson of the new semester and were excited that in a month time we would get a tiny break to enjoy the arrival of the baby. We got to bed around 11pm and kissed each other goodnight.
A wet start...
At night I usually would get up every hour because the baby would be head-butting my bladder. I had bought a little portable flashlight so that I can see my way into the bathroom without waking Matt up. But tonight was different. I didn't wake up until 2am (a rest! - that's what I thought haha). As I stood up, I felt water reach my ankle. I had read that is the way you can tell the difference between your membranes releasing and pee. My heart stopped... I called out to Matt (who didn't understand what I was saying haha). "My waters have broken!" But I wasn't due for another 3 weeks and we had so much planned. I don't blame Matt for not reacting with joy because it was a shock to us both! I ran to the bathroom. Opened my postpartum box and grabbed a maternity pad. I could feel it getting soaked! Matt asked me what do we do next... I didn't know! We opened my maternity notes and looked for a number to the hospital. There were two different numbers, one for if your waters have broken before 37 weeks and another for after 37 weeks... well I was AT 37 weeks so I called the second number (secretly relieved that I had made it to 37 weeks). The Midwife who answered told us to come in right away. Luckily, we had the hospital bag and luggage ready because I had done that before we left on the Christmas holiday. So we just got dressed and packed the car and left. It was 3am now and we had no idea where or how to park because we hadn't gone that far in the preparation so we parked where we thought best and made our way into the Birthing Centre. The Midwife asked for my pad to make certain that was my membranes. She said she had no doubt when she took a look! She sent us home and said to call back in when the contractions start and if they don't then I would be booked into the Maternity Unit in 18 hours (at 8pm that night). Before she sent us off we had a scan to see the position of the baby... He was head down and engaged!! And then they monitored his movements just to make sure all was well. We laughed to ourselves thinking how we were going to come in later today for the scan appointment... little did we know we would be getting it done a bit sooner haha.
The Waiting...
Well, it was impossible to go back to sleep for me... even though that is what I needed the most. It was just impossible. So I just did some relaxing activities while Matt went back to sleep. Matt worked from home Wednesday so that he could start his paternity leave when the baby arrived. It was such a nice day. I knew that the key to contractions was oxytocin so I watched chick-flicks and Modern Family the whole day. I even watched our wedding video to get a kick of oxytocin. Well, nothing really worked... not one pain. My dream of having a water birth was slowly slipping away as I realised that my body wasn't going into natural labour. I was so sad (bye bye Birth Centre - maybe for the next baby). So we cleaned the house and went grocery shopping so that when we got back from the hospital there would be food in the house. Right before 8pm we left for the hospital. I still was secretly hoping that the contraction would start! They booked us in the induction ward (a room with multiple women separated by curtains). Everyone around me was contracting and waiting for their waters to break... I wanted so badly to catch their contractions! I wanted contractions!! They gave me a tablet that would try to kick start my uterus and we waited. Slowly through the night the women around me went into labour and were rushed out to their own rooms. I was so excited! I wanted to be next! Well I was very far behind them. At 2am (when I was meant to get into my own room) the Midwife came around and told me they were short staffed so we needed to stay there a bit longer until the next shift came around. And since it looked like the tablet didn't work and there was nothing else for them to do we just had to wait. I was so glad that we had brought a pillow from home for Matt because it was so important for him to be well rested and by my side. I made sure to pack plenty of snacks for him (we also brought a huge box of Lindt Chocolates for all the Midwives). Well, 5am rolled around and all hopes of starting labour naturally faded away. My heart sank, after 25 hours my body still wasn't realising that it needed to work. Well, I came to accept that I did need medical intervention to birth my baby. I was so against it but I understand that sometimes that there is no other way and this was why medical interventions were created. The new shift came in at 6am and they moved me finally into our own room.
Bring on the Oxytocin...
I honestly don't even remember the name of our first midwife but she was a saint. Matt and I felt so relieved to be out of the ward and in our own space. I was sooooo excited to get the contractions started! The midwife started the syntocin and let me know that every hour (I think it was) she would increase the contractions. GAME ON! I remember getting my first contraction and I was sooooo happy! I was ready for this! As the contractions increased my relief increased. I was in my hypnobirthing mind. All I could see was the beautiful waves that would bring my baby to me. Everything in our room was so peaceful and quiet. I loved every silence between contraction because it gave me a high. I video-called my parents and we talked for a while. The Midwives gave us good conversations and laughs. And even though the Midwives said no eating... every time they would leave the room Matt would feed me my almonds (and sometimes chocolate). I needed the fuel! Finally we got to the max of the contractions (5 contractions every 10 minutes) at around 1pm and I was feeling it! This was it! Or so I thought...
The Exam...
Since I was experiencing contractions to the max they need to see how far along I was. I had told them that I only wanted to be examed if necessary. I am the worse when it comes to cervical exams so I know this wouldn't go down well. They checked my dilation and I wasn't even 1 cm!! What?! They said it could be due to the membranes still being intact. So they have to break the rest. They went back in and this time there was a hook! My whole body tensed up! Not only was it uncomfortable but so painful now that I was tensed! They couldn't do what they needed to because I closed up. They tried again and I tensed up with pain. This was not happening... They said I needed to relax so they could break the rest of my membranes so labour could progress. But there was no way. Not even with the gas and air. So they started talking about an epidural. I said a very loud no because I hated how big the needle was and the thought of that going into my back petrified me! The doctor and some other nurses came in and explained to me I would be alright... So after 30 minutes of talking it out and discussing it, we agreed... (I was still soooo terrified). They came in and started prepping (while I started going into a panic attack). I was breathing in the gas and air so rapidly that I got extremely high and I couldn't even feel the needle going in! Although the room was spinning for a while haha. They put on a huge tape on my back to keep it down (I was going to get a free back wax.... But I didn't want any more pain!). But finally I was relaxed and calm again...
Back on track...
As I felt the epidural working the pain of the contractions faded away and all I was left with was feeling the intensity in my bump. I loved being able to still feel the contractions but now I could be with Matt more. After 4 hours (around 6pm) the midwife gave me another exam to check the progress... I was at a "stretchy" 4cm dilation! Here we go! We said our goodbyes to our first midwife and welcomed the new one with chocolate haha. They had warned me that with the epidural the labour would slow down. I was fine with that (I knew James would come in the end). The whole time I spent watching the monitor to make sure the baby's heart rate was handling the contractions well. Every time I moved I asked Matt to bring it into view haha I was a bit phsyco about it. They suggested to check me again in 4 hours but I asked them to please hold it off for as long as possible and they respected my wishes. It was nice to rest for the next 6 hours (when the exammed me next). At around 11pm I started to feel as if I had a poo coming out. I told my midwife and she said they would check. I was FULLY dilated!! They said that I would have an hour to rest (to let baby descend on its own) and then we would start pushing. Well, at midnight I said that I think I needed to push. So they checked and said they could see the baby's head! Yes! Here we go! The doctor came into the room for this because it seemed like my temperature went up. They quickly got it down and hydrated me. The doctor exammed me and baby and said to start pushing. As I was pushing they said it seemed as if the baby's head was stuck. He had not fully rotated because the cord was wrapped around his neck (Ah!!!). They said they had to use a small vacuum to help him move. I pushed and pushed but nothing was happening. The room was quickly filling up with more nurses and they had a table ready to transfer me to theatre to have an emergency C-Section. No! I didn't want that! I wanted to finish the job! I gave one big push and yelled, "Come on baby!" and he did! The head was out! I pushed and cheered again and the rest of his body slipped out! They quickly put him on my chest as the doctor got busy at doing up some stitches.
Finally...
On the 11th of Jamuary at 12:30am at 5lbs 4oz our son was born. James was wide-eyed and so peaceful! His hand was in his mouth and didn't even cry. My soul felt so full!! I loved him so! But quickly the atmosphere changed.
The after party...
The nurses around me were saying something about how I looked very pale...They took James away to do his vitals and then the doctor came to speak to me. He said something about hemorrhaging and that I needed to be rushed down to theatre and put under with a general anesthetic. What?! He had me sign something to give him permission to go ahead and I remember him saying there was a chance of me have a section done and losing my womb! My heart dropped! They rushed me down the hallway and into the operating theatre. All I remember was seeing the ceiling lights as they ran me down the hallway and the a big light over head in the theatre. I kept saying to the nurses that I didn't want anymore scars so please no section! I remember someone pinching my neck and me saying that I was still awake... But then I was out.
Back in my arms...
I woke up in the maternity ward enclosed by 4 curtains. James was in his bassinet next to me and Matt was there. He told me that I was only in theatre for 30 minutes because it wasn't as bad as they expected it. I was in and out of it. I was so drowsy but I wanted to hold my son against my skin. I held him but I kept falling asleep, so I told Matt to watch me and wake me when it happened. Well, I had an amazing cuddle with my fresh new baby. The midwives taught me how to breastfeed him (which was sooooo hard! - I'll be doing another blog about breastfeeding). And our stay at the hospital became longer because James developed jaundice. So he was put on a blue light for a couple of days and we were pained every time they needed to prick his heel or hand. But he was so brave and didn't even cry. We then stayed an additional 2 days to get help with breastfeeding (I did not want to go home until I felt confident I knew what I was doing). And finally, after 6 days we left the hospital with this beautiful baby boy!
Life with a newborn...
Just like with most newborns, it was challenging. (In the future I will be blog about how to survive a newborn haha). I was not expecting to not sleep more than 70 minutes at a time! I felt like I was never going to recover! And on top of that James fed ALL the time when he was awake. And when he wasn't feeding, he was crying. Matt would walk him for the longest time but James would never give up until he had me take him back. Matt was able to have a month with me so we supported one another through this. We literally NEVER left the bed haha. I was bing watching Netflix to get me through the cluster feeds which was ALL the time. Matt would cook and clean and when I was feeding James he would pass me snacks. Even though newborns are soooo cute they are sooooo challenging! And it seemed like James really missed being back in the womb. Everybody would say it would get easier but I didn't believe it. And on top of all that, Matt got called onto the bishopric at church... So less help at church (which is sooo hard with a newborn who cluster feeds 24/7 - and the mother lounge in church is so sad compared to the ones in Utah!). Eventually things did get better. When James reached 10 weeks I felt like it got so much easier. He even slept 7 hours at a time sometimes! I just love watching this handsome boy grow. You can see heaven in his big eyes.
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